The Less I Plan Everything, The Happier I Become.
How to achieve happiness by being lenient on yourself.
Have you ever found yourself planning out everything? You think to yourself, “I will go to the supermarket and pick up some soy sauce and cabbage.” But when you get there, soy sauce and cabbages are out of stock and you are filled with disappointment and immediately start planning your next move to acquire them.
I have been guilty of planning out everything from the moment that I awoke, to the moment that I went to bed. Though, as time went on, I realized that I was steadily becoming unhappy. I would plan how I wanted my day to go, then get sad when it didn’t go the way I wanted it to even though it was caused by elements that I could not control.
It wasn’t until seven months after graduation from my Master’s program that I realized what was happening. I had been sending out job applications, signing up for wait-lists, planning and executing everything so that I may end up with the results that I had been hoping for, only to be disappointed and wind up spiraling into depression. Things had started looking up for one second, then COVID-19 hit and everything stuttered to a halt. Even though that phenomenon was completely out of my control, I still felt that crushing blow of disappointment, of being lost, of not being able to follow the road I wanted to… then I happened upon this quote:
“I stopped telling myself that I’m lost.
I’m not.
I’m on a road with no destination, I’m just driving with hope that I’ll find a place that I like and I’ll stay there.
I’m not lost, I’m on my way.”― Ahunnaya
It was at that moment that I realized I was just being too hard on myself. Why should I feel bad about things I could not change? My constant planning led to expectations and those expectations, when not fulfilled, led to disappointment. I was making myself unhappy by planning too much! So then, I tried “letting go”. I would wake up with no plans, just loose ideas on how I wanted my day to go instead and I realized that I had almost no expectations and I felt little disappointment in comparison to when I planned out everything.
Then, I started applying it to everything else that I did. My writing, my art, my applications… I just started doing everything with a general sense of what I wanted to accomplish without planning it to every detail. Over a month later, one day as I was writing, I realized, I was happy! I hadn’t felt happy in such a long time that I just sat there for over 10 minutes with a big, goofy smile on my face. The feeling was that of a large weight being lifted off of my shoulders. It got easier to just say “That’s alright, these things happen.” and pick myself up and move on, instead of wallowing in self pity and disappointment.
If you feel like you are stuck or lost on your way or you feel like nothing is working out for you, be a bit more lenient on yourself! You are trying your best. Happiness does not come easy, but it comes easier the less that you beat yourself up for things out of your control. Now I definitely understand the song, “Don’t worry, be happy!”.
